Fake it until you make it

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about the phrase, fake it until you make it.  I’d heard it before but never really paid all that much attention to it; this is, until recently.

About a week ago, in an effort to pass time, I listened to a podcast on my iPhone while I was working.  I won’t say whose podcast it was, nor will I say who the special guests were.  Just know that the guests were two people whom I admire very much.  Those of you who know me will likely know, based on that sentence alone, who I’m talking about; but, that’s OK.  You know me and that means you also know how my crazy mind ticks.  At any rate, I digress (which you all soon learn is something that I do often).  I’ve been told numerous times that my attention span is that of a two-year old, and that’s why I digress as often as I do.

I guess I could blame that on my astrological sign, I’m a Sag; or, and perhaps more likely, I can blame it on self-fulfilling prophecy.  Once I saw that my sign tended to be a little less attentive, I began believing it; which, in turn, led to my, very difficult to break, habit.  I know that some of you are thinking that I’m digressing again, but I am not.  There is a purpose to my madness.  The concept of self-fulfilling prophecy is exactly where I’m going with this whole “fake it until you make it” thing.

Remember before when I mentioned the podcast, and the two incredibly gorgeous men who were on it?  Oops, I hadn’t mentioned that they were gorgeous before, had I? OK, well they are, gorgeous I mean, and they’re also twins, but that doesn’t really matter much.  The point is that they were discussing the phenomenon that is faking it until you make it when I began really paying attention.

At first, I’d imagined that faking it was a bad thing, something that one might do when playing relationship games.  I’m far too old to be playing games, so why then would these two guys, who are the same age as me, even talk about such things?  Then, I started really listening.  It wasn’t the type of faking it that I thought it was, it was more of the self-fulfilling prophecy type faking it that they were getting at.  In other words, simply convincing yourself that you’re a sexy, confident beast might just be enough to get a guy to pay attention.

They mentioned that the single, most fatal, mistake a girl can make when it comes to men is thinking that they’ll love you for you.  I was floored; this was my mantra for years.  How can my guys be so harsh?  I got upset, ready to turn off my iPhone and go pout in a corner.  After all, they’d just ripped my heart out of my chest and did the Mexican Hat Dance on it, right?  Thankfully, I didn’t, because what I learned my have very well changed my life.

It’s not about faking it to be someone you’re not; it’s about being who you want to be.  Take me for example:  I’m 36 years old, overweight, and sometimes (when I get too lazy to go get it dyed) my hair is gray.  I had mistakenly let myself  believe (for years) that a man would simply love me for me and that would be enough.  Only thing is, it wasn’t.  I’m still single.  But before you start sending out the hate mail, let me explain.

I know that I’m not single because of those physical things, I’m single because I let those physical things bother me. I don’t love me, so they’re not going to love me.  On the inside, I wanted to be a much more confident, sexy creature, but the outside, cast a completely different light.  Apparently men aren’t as simple as we thought they were.  They’re actually quite intuitive.  They can see what you’re thinking on the inside, or maybe it’s feel it.  Who knows, but the point is that they can tell and that is something that I need to deal with.

I will admit it, I’m trying, and it’s really hard.  I’ve lost 16 pounds, I’m going to the gym 2-3 times a week, and I’m starting to care about how I look.  My next step is to get my hair dyed, which I totally hate to do; and, then who knows, maybe I’ll wear a little make-up.  It doesn’t matter much what I do, as long as I’m doing it for myself and convincing myself all the while that I am worth it.

In closing, don’t allow yourself to fall into that rabbit hole.  Don’t be who you think they (whoever they is to you) want you to be.  Be who you want to be; fake it until you make it!

Best,

PROF D

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