What hurts the most…

Have you ever heard the Rascal Flatts’ song by the same name?

“What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say; watching you walk away.  Never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.”  –What Hurts The Most, 2006.

The calendar (of blog posts) that I made for myself has “my biggest fear” listed this week as the topic of discussion.  You might think that my biggest fear would be something like spiders or snakes; or, for those of you who really know me, failure. While those are absolutely fears of mine, they are not the biggest.  I’ll tell you right now, I’ve NEVER told anyone this; but, my biggest fear is dying alone.

I’ve watched the situations with both my cousin’s and my mother’s cancer unfold before my eyes during the whole of 2016 (so far) and I’ve come to realize that the love and dedication of a spouse really is the key to success in beating this illness.  There’s another song by Martina McBride, I’m Gonna Love You Through It (2011), that discusses exactly that.  It’s got me thinking.  If something like this would happen to me who would I have to love me through it?

I’m a strong person, and I know that I don’t NEED a man in my life; and kids have never been a priority for me.  But it honestly kills me that I was so close before and I let him walk away.  I worry that I’ve missed my opportunity and ruined the only chance that I’ll ever have.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I have friends and family who love me unconditionally; and, I know that they would be there for me no matter what happens.  I just have to wonder if I’ll ever get the chance to have the type of love that I’ve seen with my mom and dad recently…without a doubt, I know now more than ever before that they would love each other through anything.


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