Jealousy: the Green-Eyed Monster

“Would you still feel loved if your lover never felt jealous?”

This one is a hard one.  If I’ve learned anything from teaching and management, it’s that there are always two sides to every story (and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle).  I think that is applicable here.

If I were to have a lover I might be upset if he were to never get jealous, but only if he weren’t showing his love in other ways.  What I mean is that I don’t necessarily feel like being jealous is the only way to prove your love.  Yes, I think jealousy is a natural human emotion; and, yes, I can get jealous.  But not obsessively so.  I think that’s where the line can be drawn.  Let me try to explain.

If someone loves me (and I him), there will be some semblance of jealousy; but, if our relationship is based on a mutual trust and understanding, that jealousy won’t become obsession.  We should be able to feel jealous without feeling the need to act on it, knowing that there is nothing to worry about.  I feel like either one of us should always know that we’re loved by our other actions.  You know, it’s the little things that count.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in a healthy relationship there will be jealousy but it shouldn’t always be externally noticeable.  I’ll know he loves me by the little things he does.

Irrational Fears

This week’s question caused an epiphany (which I think is the whole point of the Book of Questions)! Because of that, I’ve left this piece as raw as I could so that you all could experience it with me…

“Do you have any irrational fears? If so, have you tried to overcome them?”

Yes, I have irrational fears; who doesn’t?

For starters, I hate clowns. I’m not sure that it’s a fear per sé, it’s more of an annoyance, I think. They just creep me out.

I am terribly afraid of spiders and snakes; this is (mostly) irrational. I know that both have the potential to be deadly; but, I live in Connecticut. I’m more likely to get mauled by a black bear than I am to come across a deadly spider or snake; but, whenever I see one, I freak out! If you know me, you know what I mean. They just seem unnatural to me.

Then, there’s the big one, my biggest irrational fear…enclosed spaces. I don’t know what it is; but, it’s REALLY bad! It’s gotten to the point where I know that I need to see a doctor for my shoulder, but I won’t because I know he’ll send me for an MRI. Nope, not doing it. The first (and only) time is still burned forever in my brain. It’s also so bad that I’m not a fan of flying.  No, I’m not afraid to die. I’ve said this on many occasion: when it’s my time, it’s my time; and, I believe that (well, mostly). I’m just freaked out by the fact that I can’t get out.

Wait a second, maybe that’s what it is! Maybe it’s not claustrophobia at all. Maybe it is the fear of not being able to get out. If you think about it, it all fits. I don’t like MRI’s because I can’t get out (or move), I don’t like to fly because I can’t get out (or move well). And, I don’t like elevators because there is the potential not to be able to get out (should it break down).

OK, now that I’ve narrowed it down; maybe now I’ll be able to figure out how to overcome it.

Final Destination?

Hello, my name is Stephanie, and I am a chicken! As you may (or may not) already know, I hate horror movies. I once let a boyfriend convince me to see Scream with him and had nightmares for a year. I didn’t even make it all the through when I started watching Final Destination (I had no clue it was a horror movie). So, given that, I totally freaked out when I saw this week’s question:

“If the day before you were to fly home from a vacation in Jamaica a fortune teller warned you that a plane was going to explode, would you alter your travel plans?”

I’m a lover of all things Shakespeare, so the first thing that came to my mind here was “beware the Ides of March” (Sorry Stacy). Then, my mind went to what little I saw of Final Destination. Those two things together make for quite a conundrum. On the one hand, if I believe in what the fortune teller has to say (unlike Julius Caesar did in the play) I would change my plans. But, then, if I believe the story of Final Destination, (which in a nutshell says that you can’t escape death because it will find you) it probably doesn’t matter.

The rational side of me wants to side with Caesar on this one and completely ignore the fortune teller (they’re cuckoo for coco puffs anyway, right?). But, the irrational side of me, the part that believes in destiny, thinks that maybe, just maybe, this person was put here to tell me this because it isn’t my time to die.

I don’t know; now I have a headache. Apparently, there is no right choice. What about you guys, what do you all think?

All of Me

This week’s question is one that I often think about: Do you think people see you as you really are? If not, how might you better show your true self?

The problem with this is that I don’t know. You see, quite a while ago, I made a conscious effort to cut the B.S. out of my life. I tend to be a you get what you see type of gal. I vowed always to say what I mean (and I mean what I say). I never make a promise that I don’t intend to keep. I think about others before thinking about myself. In my humble opinion, I’m a nice person. I work hard, and I always try my best; but, do people see that?

Well, I’d like to think so; but, one can never really be sure. To answer the question, though: I hope so. I hope folks take me at face value and realize that, while I may not always tell you what you want to hear, I WILL tell you what you need to hear.

How can I show my true self? Well, but doing exactly that. Being who I am (nothing more, nothing less) every day. No matter what.

You can’t really argue with that.


Decisions, Decisions…

Hey, Everyone! Sorry, I missed last week; I was just so crazy busy I didn’t even have time to think. Between buying a house, working, and helping out with my mom, it’s been nuts. But, on the plus side, we’ve finally got some magnificent news regarding my mom; so, I’m feeling especially buoyant this week!

This week’s question is regarding choice! “If you were sentenced to solitary confinement for one year with only one of the following, which would you pick: a pet, 25 books, 25 songs, or a pen with ample paper? If you choose the books or songs, which would you include?”

After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I would most definitely take the pen and paper. Here’s why:

1. Solitary confinement with a pet could get messy; think about it, I’d have to train him or her to go in the toilet, and that could be tough.  Besides, while the company would be great, he/she can’t talk back, so it’d be a pretty one-sided conversation.

2. While 25 books would be great, it’s probably not enough to last me a whole year. With the way I read (especially with nothing else to do), I’d be done with them in a month or two. Then what would I do?

3. 25 songs over and over again? I love music, really I do! But I just don’t think I could listen to the same 25 songs over and over again for a year. That is what I like to call “overplayed!”

So all’s that’s left is the paper and pen… I’ve always said that I would love to write the next great American novel, I guess that would be my chance! Besides, I love journaling and writing poetry, and my blog. So I could do all of it!

Now it’s your turn, leave a comment, what would you pick and why?

All Hail President Stephanie

“If you ruled the US how would you change things?”

I make a concerted effort not to discuss politics publically. Far too often, I see folks voicing their opinions on Facebook or Twitter and then getting bashed because of it. I’ve read one too many “know your role” mean tweets even to attempt it. So, that said, know that I answer this question in mere jest. It’s for the fun of it people! Don’t hate!

The first thing I would likely do is find a way to “get rid” of internet trolling. There has to be a way where we can punish those who like to hide behind the mask of their computer screen to say things that needn’t be said. I know that it sounds a bit “big brother” like; but, I think it’s necessary.

Next, I’d find a way to eradicate childhood hunger. As a teacher, I’ve seen hungry children far too often. It’s heartbreaking.

Next, I’d tackle the gosh darn tax issue. I live in CT, and the taxes here are ridiculous- I going to end up paying more in taxes for my house than some people pay for their car. Trust me when I tell you, my house IS NOT super fancy in the least. It’s just the nature of CT living.

Lastly, but certainly not least, I have to, HAVE TO, find a better way to deal with student debt. I have 2 degrees and a state certification; I’ll be paying for them until the day I die. Let’s put it this way, I owe almost as much on my student loans as a friend of mine does on his condo. It really shouldn’t be that difficult; otherwise, why go to school? I work like crazy to pay for a bill that I wouldn’t have had I not gone to school to get that job to begin with.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think?

To Life…

Do you more often feel that life is too short or too long?

I think the answer to a question like this relies largely on the age and experience of the person. As a kid, it’s likely that I would have said that life is too long. When you’re young, it’s hard to imagine yourself as old, or destructible, or (God forbid) mortal; we can only yearn for the days when we’re not “too young” to do anything we want to do. Then, of course, we do grow up, and we start to wish that we could go back.

For me, though, things are a little more different. In my eyes, age has always been nothing but a number. I’ll admit it, when I was younger, I never thought much about death (or dying). But recently, the word has become front and center in my life. It’s something that I think about now, almost constantly. Had I been asked this question a year ago I’m not sure what I would have said. Now, I’m fairly sure (given my mother’s situation) everyone knows what I’m going to say. Life is TOO SHORT! How can I answer any other way? Any amount of time that I get with my mother will never be enough.

One more lesson.

“What one additional skill that you could have learned as a child would be very valuable to you now?”

When I read it, I had to laugh; I automatically thought of an article I read once called something like “I Learned Everything I Needed to Know in Kindergarten.” To a certain extent, that is true; treat people how you would want to be treated, don’t lie, share, and make sure you can read and count. Is there really anything else? Theoretically, one CAN survive knowing only these things. But, if you delve a bit deeper, is there something else?

In my humble opinion, YES; and, it’s loyalty. I know that little kids are “loyal” to their parents; but, I’m talking about the kind of loyalty that we (as humans) develop as we age. I’m talking about the kind of dedication that it takes to be a real friend. I’m the type of person who would do almost anything for those I love; and, I can’t help but think that if I had this dedication as a child, I wouldn’t have done some of the awful things I did to both my parents and some of my friends.

Honestly, and hopefully without sounding preachy, I think loyalty is a lesson that EVERYONE needs to learn now and again. It seems that this particular trait is becoming a bit extinct.

What do you all think?

The Definition of Success

The question this week is very intriguing to me.

“Would you rather be extremely successful in an unconventional way that few people can relate to or in a conventional way that people identify with more easily?”

You see, in my opinion, it really depends on how you define success. I define success based on happiness not on how much money I have in my pocket. My mother has always warned me that the love of money is the root of all evil. I’m pretty confident, though, that it’s the watching of all of the cop dramas (that I enjoy so much) that have helped solidify that fact; they’ve also shown me that both New York City and Hawaii can be terrifying places- but that’s a whole different story.

When it comes to success, I’d like to think that I’m pretty lucky. I’m (for the most part) a happy person with a very positive outlook on life; and, I love my jobs, all of them! But the questions remains if my success is unconventional or not. I’d like to think that it’s both conventional and unconventional at the same time, and that’s only because it depends on how you look at it.

No one gets into teaching for the money. We do it because we’re passionate about what we do. Even though many can relate to being a teacher and the sacrifices we have to make every day, the fact that we (meaning collectively) deliberately get into a career in which we’ll never get rich from makes it most unconventional.

Regarding my other career, writing, I think it’s safe to say that no one WANTS to be a starving artist; but, just as it is in teaching, we all know that it’s unlikely that we will ever “hit it big.”

A Technologicaly Free Trip?

I recently bought a new calendar. It’s one full of questions from the “Book of Questions.” You know those books that have the profound questions that you’re supposed to think about, then answer (honestly) so that you can learn more about yourself? Well, you all should know by now that I’m all about self-awareness; so, I picked it up thinking that it could work for my blog! Each week, unless I find something else that I need to (or want to) talk about, I’ll post a question, then answer it to my best ability. You all can then comment with your responses.

“If you were thinking about going on a trip in which you would have no internet or email connection for two weeks, would the prospect of being off the grid like this bring you pleasure or anxiety?”

Had I been asked this question a few weeks ago, I think I might have said that the prospect of being so disconnected would make me nervous. Now, after the inauguration of President Trump, I have to say that the idea of no internet or email seems appealing to me.

As many probably already know, I am Twitter and Facebook obsessed. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve come down with a case of FOMO (fear of missing out). But, if I’m honest (as I promised I would be), lately, this nation’s hatred and disapproval of one another is beginning to bother me; and, a vacation from all of that just might be exactly what we all need. I’m not going to go into detail here because I’ve promised myself that my blog will always be politics free. I want nothing more than to foster an environment where people can feel free to voice their opinion without fear of retribution or shame. Given that, all I have to say is we’re not going to change anything divided; we have to stand together.